The Wallflower

I’ve been in a bad mood since like 2007

(via screamforthetroubledsouls)

urbran:

when you get to class late and your teacher still isnt there

Yes!! lol 

(via screamforthetroubledsouls)

So it was a rather sunny winter day in Los Angeles. With sunny weather comes a sunny outfit, my choice for the day? A waist high “Indian” print skirt with a white tucked in tank top and nude colored ballet flat. accessories? simple diamond studs. sounds un-special right? well something about the positioning of the skirt and shirt and the bare necklace-free chest made something weird happen in the world, i had a boob experience.

wait, let me explain.

I don’t have a big chest, on the contrary, I’m like a B cup. lol. However, as i was walking to class i caught numerous guys just shamelessly staring at my chest area. usually if a guy is close enough i’ll notice a few glance but this was like a scene from a movie, guys just blankly staring at my boobs, it was weird, i was uncomfortable. my class starts in the middle of the day so by the time its over campus is pretty empty and even in the empty campus i still managed to get these looks.

As i walked around the Art building heading towards a parking lot i caught the eye of one particular guy,i walk past him and he quickly runs after me and taps me on the shoulder and says to me “you have a very nice looking rack, like really nice”. i gave him one of these: o_O and he blushed, began to apologize. i guess he felt like a total jerk. and i kind of felt like a piece of meat, no lie. lol 

so i took a deep breath and smiled and said “thank you sir, we appreciate your compliment”. and i did! i know a lot of women would have been taken back by the comment, maybe even slapped him but you know what guy, i appreciate your straightforwardness. your honesty is like a breath of fresh air and honestly, me and my boobs thank you for the boost of confidence you have bestowed upon us today. sir, you have made today’s outfit one of my favorites, even though i might wear a cardigan next time cause the stares were highly uncomf. but sir, i hope you had a wonderful day, you definitely made mine that way. lol

The most exciting part about meeting a new person is the feeling you get in your stomach when you see their face. That feeling like you just want to scream in excitement but are forced to keep that excitement in all the while keeping a firm poker face, pretending to be cool. And after weeks of having that feeling and waiting for something to happen, it disappears- that is not a good feeling.

Its like watching your favorite love story and at the end the guy ends up with the other chick, it’s the “WTF” feeling. That’s how I feel right now.

After a long week of not seeing his face and exchanging meaningless “hey whats up” text messages, that feeling of excitement is gone. It could be blamed in part to a conversation I had with a friend of mine that is in a similar situation and while talking we kept asking “what makes them so special?”. Not in a sarcastic-mean kind of way but we were really wondering what makes them so different?

We both felt as if we were exclusive to this other person, feeling guilty about even looking at other guys and refusing to give our numbers to those seeking it. It was all out of fear that the other person might find out and lose interest when they do, but we’re not in a committed relationship so it wouldn’t be so wrong to keep our options open but we just couldnt bring ourselves to do so. So in that came the question, “what makes them so special?”.

We (he and i) had reached a point in our dating that i really began questioning it. We’d been seeing each other for two and a half months and he has yet to make a move. He hasn’t shown me what makes him so special and I couldn’t put my finger on it. So that weekend I went out. I attended one of those good ole college-esque parties and I had the time of my life. For the first time in months I went out and didn’t think about him, he didn’t even cross my mind and I LOVED IT! I forgot how good it felt to be “single” which is weird because I was single before lol. But still, as I sat at a table surrounded by strangers yet talking to them as if Ive known them for years(especially this one cutie with the most captivating smile) I thought to myself “well, what makes me so unspecial?” because im pretty sure that while I was sitting around thinking about him I probably didn’t cross his mind once!

But I lifted the guilt from myself and continued with life as life was continuing without me.  

A couple of days later I finally saw him, and I felt absolutely nothing, and it was a strange pleasuring feeling that once again my entire days didn’t revolve around a single person. And you know that saying “you don’t know what you have until its gone?” yeah well im pretty sure that ran through his mind as I nonchalantly spent time with him. And poor him, he tried so hard to get my attention that night, he started romanticizing me as he did before, even tried to play the jealousy card but I kept my cool, even though the jealousy was brewing inside, but I just smiled and continued on with my activities.

Not saying that if he were to ask me out I would say no because well, hes still really hot lol and he has an amazing personality, but maybe now that ive given him some distance he’ll show me what truly makes him “so special”.

                              until the jealousy stops brewing

                                                                -B.Mac